Goodbye December, Goodbye 2015
Usually I am all about the holidays and doing them big! This year Aj and I both felt off. We still enjoyed Christmas of course, time with the kids, and our family.. It just didn't feel as joyful as it normally does. I think with the past few months being rough, and having been dealing with the loss of our pregnancy we both expected it to be hard. It was actually extremely hard for me, I felt this emptiness inside. To be honest I had already excitedly bought a few things for the new baby to add to our Christmas morning a few months ago. I expected to have a big round belly and dreamed of the following Christmas having three kids, but none of that happened and it was hard. I put on a brave face for my family and children but my husband could see right threw it and knew exactly how I was feeling. I just feel like my days are on repeat, some days are great and I feel good. Others I feel lost, empty and hard to get threw till bedtime. With the new year I hope I will find some healing being able to have more good days then bad. To be able to whole heartedly enjoy the upcoming years holidays with my two beautiful children and Husband. I thought it wouldn't hurt so much still, but it still feels so fresh in my mind. Im ready for 2015 to be over, even though I never want to wish away time. I think just starting the New year off fresh and trying to have a clear head will be good for not only me but Aj as well.
What kind of goals do you have for 2016? I haven't really thought much about them yet. What are you hoping to leave behind in 2015? I want to leave some of my grief and pain in 2015, along with maybe some of this holiday weight! I love that with a New year it kind of wipes your slate to start it off with a bang and in a positive mind set. So heres to a new year with new opportunity for personal growth and adventure.