As November is nearing its end and we are almost to Thanksgiving (and a month from Christmas!!) I can't help but think good riddance. November has been rough, really rough. We started off the month having a miscarriage at 10.5 weeks pregnant with our third child. Honestly I was a mess, and still am a mess most days. We wanted another baby and were so excited, things happen and I know it wasn't meant to be but that doesn't make me feel any better. With time I'll be okay, and I am so thankful for Aj's support through all of this. I have wanted to sit down and write about it, I have started a blog post a few times but end up a blubbering mess and can't finish. I hope to one day soon, write down everything that we went threw and document all of my feelings.. but for now this is all I can get out.
Besides the devastation of our loss we are also in a moment of limbo, not knowing what and where our future holds. We are not happy with living in Florida or Aj's career. We are dreaming of much cooler climate and more adventure. There may be a big move and lots of exciting changes in our near future! Its so hard as an adult and young family to really know where your life is going to lead. We want to make the most of all our days and being unhappy with your job and your location really can bring you down after some time. We are working out the little details and planning on making some changes to get where we want to be. I think 2016 will be our year for change and growth, that excites me.
With loss I find myself wishing time away, hoping the pain goes with it. I need to remember I am still living, and still so blessed with my two living breathing beautiful children and incredible husband. I will be okay, and the pain will slowly fade. Its okay to keep living and enjoying life even after loosing a baby or someone you love. Sorry this post is kind of all over the place but I needed to get all of this off my chest.