Sunday, July 22, 2012

Control

If you know me i'm some what of a control freak. I like to know what is happening when and how and have as much control as possible. Iv learned though time that sometimes you have to let go and just breathe. I always want control but that's not possible at least not always. I want control over our future,and Sophia's future,over our finances,and living situation. But I can't... that is almost hard to admit. I want everything to be picture perfect and dreamy but honestly I don't think anyone has that life anymore. The world is a sad place and going in a downward spiral or so it seems. The job market is horrendous,college is so so expensive,loans are unattainable,buying a house seems impossible and it is all out of my control. I do however have control of my family and how we live whether happily or in depression,with dreams or with fears,with ambition or no hope at all. Even though tomorrow is never promised and who knows where the world will be in a year or five years. I want to keep my dreams and hopes and for Sophia to do the same to dream of bigger and better things, of a day where there aren't so many worries. I will do all I can to keep her dreaming and to hopefully fulfill the dreams we have. That house we dream to build with land full farm  animals and space for kids,the dream jobs we are aiming for,the happiness and security we long for even if it takes 5,10,or even 20 years we will as long as we keep positive and dreaming. It's sometimes too easy to give up to stop dreaming but I refuse to let go of the dreams to let go of all the things I want to attain in life for my family and I.
Even on my worst day were I just want to hide under the blankets in my bed and never come out.. I have to come out and stand tall for my little family. For if I fall or stop dreaming I take my daughter and husband with me. 

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